Death

 As much as I am ok with death, I am also very not ok with it. Weird eh? I'm in a field where death is eminent and ready to happen at any given moment. Someone died today, and I was disappointed. I didn't have a close relationship to said person, but it still came on suddenly and shocked us all. I am ok with her passing, but also not ok with it. Death is natural, and inevitable and also (in my opinion) a private and human right. But it still shocks us, angers us and bereaves the loved ones.

We learned in school about death, dying and bereavement. I found it mostly boring, but that was thanks to the subject material and the instructor. (sorry!) I found the studies on M.A.I.D in Canada thought provoking and insightful. I also enjoyed learning about cultures and how they grieve or view death.

That doesn't mean being in long-term care and being surrounded by death is easy for anyone. People were in tears today, as would be expected. A group gathered to pay their respects. A large one at that, even though at times this person could be a real handful.

I was overwhelmed to say the least. Being around a family who'd loved this person and were obviously distraught, brings up emotions only the very cold-hearted can dissuade.

It meant a lot to me to be there as part of the death proceedings this afternoon. Our team has a special place amidst the losses in our home. (Long-term care) But when I left work, I felt awful. It zaps us of our energy and joy when someone goes suddenly. Their deaths, however remarkable or not, make an imprint on us. It's like they've stepped out for one very long holiday and are never coming back to say hi or show their faces again. Ever.

Death is final. We find meanings behind it, through it, around it. But at the same time, the body is no longer alive, the heart has stopped, cutting off vital blood supply to the brain. We were told in school how some doctors gauge death. Is it the death of both vital organs, or just one? Do we put the person on life support, prolonging the inevitable? Or do we mourn graciously and shed our tears while the pain is fresh?

Everyone grieves differently.

Today I went to work. If someone asked me, "what did you do today?" I'd answer, oh so and so died.

Wow.

Wow.

You know someone dies and is born every minute (ok maybe that's a little overestimated) but how do we deal with it when it's in our personal realm?

I can't finish this thought. There's too much to continue considering.

What do you want to share with me?